Lawyers love rules. Lawyers also tend to be OCD. Rules + OCD = an intricate, layered, never ending monstrous pile of rules that becomes increasingly difficult to navigate. The legal profession calls this - job security.
We are equal opportunity OCD rule creators. We even create rules to govern ourselves. Some of them are breathtakenly overbroad and impossible to humanly adhere to.
Read MoreMy mother brought a 73 year old palm reader to Thanksgiving dinner.
Mom: I want to bring my friend Ed. He is really bright. He is an attorney and a palm reader and I share my energy with him.
Me: Mom, I have already set the tables for 27. We do not have room. I don't have any plates left and had to get extra silverware from the office.
Read MoreNo matter how hard I tried to sweet talk her out of it, Alysha wanted to be a toad.
What about a witch – no.
Simba the lion king – no.
Ariel the little mermaid– no
A ghost – no. no. no.
But honey, toads are gross.
Don’t care. I want to be a toad.
My parents had a pretty good strategy on how to keep the five of us out of trouble. Both of them worked. We had various babysitters (one of whom ripped us off but that's another story). This was in the days when neighbors kept a lookout for us kids as well. Still, mom and dad left nothing to chance.
Read MoreToday is our last day to file motions. For the third time since the trial has been continued twice. Motion after motion, instructions, declarations, orders, notes. We have been working like crazy to get them all done. Garth and I have been doing all the briefing. Anne and Jody are scrambling to format and get everything filed.
Read MoreI first tried a MIST case (Minor Impact Soft Tissue) fifteen years ago. Glenn Phillips (he of the billboard/tv/bus/cab advertising fame) was the defense lawyer.
I was going to be speaking in the country’s first “How to Hammer Allstate” seminar conceived by my then law partner Pat LePley. So I needed a sample case. One of my existing clients was involved in a zero property damage car strike. I took it on to see what Allstate would do. They hired Glenn, his associate, a biomechanic expert and an orthopedic surgeon who wrote a 35 page report. Our side had a chiro who had never testified before even in deposition. And the husband (a Boeing engineer) to counter the defense biomechanic. Well, we beat the zero offer. And got over a grand in sanctions because Allstate refused to admit fault until the first day of trial. My love affair with MIST cases was born.
Read MoreA. This is the polite way I have to fight defendants who move the court to dismiss my client's case. (Page 1 of 15).
In a chain reaction freeway collision, both defendants admittedly rear ended the vehicles in front of them. They claim they are neither negligent nor a proximate cause of injuries to Mr. F who was smashed in between them.
Read MoreIt's the weekend and guess where I am. Yes. In the office. Working on a brief. Because two defendants think they can get out of rear ending cars on the freeway. This is the story of my morning's misadventure.
Here are few details you will observe. First - yikes - no makeup. Second - am sitting on ball which apparently is bouncy. Third - have a runner's tan line.
Read MoreI've been a lawyer for about three years. The other lawyer has been mean to me since day one. Today we are arguing in court. I win the motion. The judge signs the order. There are no copy machines in the courtroom. We need to take the order down to the clerk's office, copy and then file it.
Read MoreUsually I don't question my own witnesses in deposition. The other side is taking the deposition. And it's their job to do the asking.
But occasionally there are times when we need to help make sure the record is straight. Here are some examples...
Read MoreTrial day 3.
Swim to consciousness through Nyquil fog. Can almost breathe through both nostrils. But there is a weight on my body. The left over pall from yesterday.
The tooth brush whirls. Do not feel like full-speed-ahead-charge!-Karen on the White Stallion. Somberly put on black combat uniform and head back out into the desert.
Read MoreI think it's a mouse, says Noelle.
What?!
Um. Let me go look. She is in her nighty. Walks on tip toes, bends down, looks under the t.v. cabinet. Jumps up runs back and springs onto bed. Yes, it is.
What?!!!
Read MoreThis is called - taking your nick name to the next level.
Read MoreAm confined to hotel room. Prepping for trial tomorrow. Sniffling. At about 10:30 pm decide to go clear away the fog. The gym is open 24/7. Change into gear. Give one good last blow and head downstairs. Turn on the lights. Utter peace.
This is my time to let my mind roam wherever it wants. Michael Jackson on the ipod. The Olympics on TV. Am watching the high jumpers. About a mile into the run, the door opens. A minx with shaggy (wet) blonde hair tosses her room key onto the treadmill next to me. I sigh at the noise she makes and try to ignore her.
Read MoreThe defense is perpetuating the testimony of its defense medical examiner for trial. The doctor is answering the defense lawyer's questions. And then this happens:
Q MR C: This says, "JANE DOE is present
3 for complete physical exam, also pap smear, fasting labs."
4 MS. KOEHLER: All right. I'm going to move to
5 strike. This is ridiculous.
Read MoreWe are running my favorite route. The sun is shining. Oh it is so fun to do this. Love to do this. Ooh I see you bird. Wish could jump out of this harness thing She has strapped around me. It fastens in front. She thinks it will stop me from pulling her. Don't know why She thinks that. But it does feel better than being pulled by the neck. Am not complaining. Love being outside. Even though She runs way too slow. But am not complaining.
We get to Myrtle Edwards park. Ooh I see you bird. This is where the trouble starts. Ooh that little boy wants to pet me. She doesn't stop. Nice try little boy.
Read MoreAm heading out on a plane tomorrow to fight this in court. The young woman is 21. The defense pulled all of her public social network postings a few years ago. Recently they tried to grab more stuff off the sites but encountered privacy settings.
We bring a motion to prevent "an unnecessary additional fishing expedition into her private life." The defense says - this information could be relevant so it has to be produced.
Read MoreThere is a school of thought that you should not object during trial. Just let the bad questions go where they will. So the jury won't think you are trying to hide something by objecting. Maybe so. Maybe not.
But in a video perpetuation deposition the court rules on the objections ahead of time. And then the videotape is edited. The jury isn't dragged through the technical details.
Read MoreAm in an absolutely foul detestable mood. The stupid office servers have had a "catastrophic failure." 24 hours ago and counting.
Can feel blood pressure increasing. Stomach is sitting at base of throat. Have a prehearing statement of proof due today. Am growling orders. Punching numbers on the phone. One after the other. Apologize for being so awful. Then go back to being horrible.
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