Death Duck Machines for Sale:

Taking a late lunch break. Eating a salad from Veggie Grill. Looking at the paper online. Should have waited for that.

Almost throw up inside of mouth. Bankrupt Ride the Ducks Seattle is having an auction. On the one hand - am proud the end result of the jury’s verdict was to shut that company down. But the thought of those death traps being sold…perhaps put back onto road and waterways with unsuspecting tourists inside. Well, the nausea is overwhelming.

Right before trial a guy called us. Claimed he had a lot of inside information. We googled him and learned that he had been buying ducks from companies that were going out of business. Maybe he’ll be one of the bidders July 1. He wants to be the new king of ducks. Gross as that is.

The stretch ducks from the 1940s belong nowhere other than a junk yard. They deserve nothing more than to rot and decay into rusted dust.

We won the lawsuit because those Mad Max vehicles were built by dodging federal safety regulations. They are D.A.N.G.E.R.O.U.S.

The wheel fell off when Duck 6 was high tailing it down the Aurora Bridge. And that wasn’t the first time. The seats folded, twisted and lifted right off the floor where they were weakly bolted. Sure a duck can defensively ram the heck out of any vehicle in its path (causing mass death and destruction). But if you get in the water, they ride too low, will entrap you with their stupid canopies, and take on water so quickly that in a minute everyone will be drowned.

After three and a half years of litigating and trying that lawsuit, I no longer need to watch my words. Defendants can’t run to tattle to the judge on me. I can say exactly what I think. It is stupid, irresponsible, and ridiculous, to sell the duck fleet. Anyone who buys them should be ashamed.

Photo: King County Superior Court Trial Exhibit 19