Mr. T - a deposition tale
5:45 am. Phone beeps. Count backward down to the minute have to get up to get out on time. 5:56 am get up.
Race through morning ritual. Clothes put out the night before. Black crop jeans. Black t-shirt. Deconstructed BCBG black and gray striped jacket. Black doc martens. 2 black bags. Black raincoat. Slick back hair that used to be black and now in places looks like tinsel. Grab 2 luna bars, fat sumo orange and honey crisp apple for later.
Walk Nala to her patch of grass and back. Hop in car. Drop her at doggie day care.
Drive to airport. 3rd floor full. 5th floor full. Find a spot on the 6th floor at the far edge. Type in 6 - 55 on phone to remember spot. Magically am TSA pre-checked so hop through security line. Get couscous cup from Dish d'lish for lunch and bottle of water.
7:20 Plane is on time and we board. Eat 1 luna bar. 8:15 get off in Portland. Go to rental counters - look at phone. Booked on Budget. Drat. Hate Budget in Portland. Have to take a shuttle. Email Cristina and Anne whining about Budget. No other passengers on shuttle. No wait at rental counter. Am assigned blue car that is not excellent. Can't figure out how to operate windshield wipers. Start driving. Apply brakes and car jerks to stop. Touchy.
Input address and following phone commands to destination of today's deposition. Drive about 15 minutes past downtown. To a vast non-descript office park. 9:35. Have almost an hour. Decide still hungry. Type the word bakery into phone. Follow commands. Bakery turns out to be a 7-11. No thank you. Type in donut. Fairly close. Is in the JoAnn Fabric complex. Sesame Seed Donuts or something like that. Never had a sesame donut before. Don't try one now. Get a glazed old fashioned. Hold door open for elderly man carrying his newspaper. He's smiling in anticipation. Consider this proof of merits of eating deep fried sugar coated dough.
Get back into rental. Phone rings. Answer. It's my bank. Need to transfer money from one checking account to the other. Thank them for great customer service. Drive back to office building. Park. Open computer. Transfer the money. Eat donut. Wipe sugar off face. Grab black bags. Exit blue bomber. Climb three flights of stairs. Open glass door. Ask for Mr. T.
10:20 Follow receptionist down long blank beige hall to windowless conference room. Say hello to court reporter. She reminds me of my favorite librarian back in the day. Spectacles. Carefully coiffed hair. Is wearing a golden colored hummingbird broach on the lapel of her brown tweed-like jacket.
10:30 Mr. T arrives along with defense counsel.
Mr. T is a lawyer. Hired by insurance companies. Rumor has it that he is quite unpleasant. Am willing to suspend judgment and give him the benefit of the doubt.
He is wearing strict lawyer garb. Looks older than his probable age. Balding, overweight and with a circle beard (goatee connected to a mustache). The soft spoken, gracious court reporter asks to take his photo (standard practice). He tells her no.
What a gem.
For the next 6 hours less a 45 minute lunch break (eat couscous and fat sumo), we stay in that room. Locked together. Unpleasantly.
His involvement on this case started four years ago. He is a fact witness. He has done nothing to prepare for the deposition. He hasn't looked at his file. Which is about 5000 pages worth. He has for the most part - no memory independent of what is contained in his file. So he needs to see the file document in order to answer the question. When I show him the file document, then he says it doesn't refresh his memory and that the document speaks for itself.
5:00 approaches. He says he has to go. Actually he's been saying this for awhile now. Repeatedly leaning over to look at the clock on defense counsel's computer. Shifting about in his chair. Asking the court reporter if she's taping the proceeding. So he can count the minutes where I am looking through documents. Acts even more rudely. If that's possible.
Say something to him like if you stop whining we can finish more quickly. He doesn't like that and jumps up. Says this is over. Walks out. Defense counsel politely asks - how much longer would it take you to finish Karen. Say - gosh was almost done maybe 10 or 15 minutes at most. He leaves to talk to the witness. They return. Mr. T says - you have 9 minutes.
Ask some more questions. Read a colloquy. Tell Mr. T it is not a question so he doesn't need to respond. He looks at me as if am an ant he'd like to crush with his heel. Defense counsel objects to the colloquy. Mr. T leaves. Exchange pleasantries with defense counsel who has been totally pleasant and professional. Say goodbye to court reporter as she packs up.
Walk down three flights. Open building door. It is dark. Head to car. Over here. Wait. Maybe over there. Walk around a few minutes and realize. Wrong parking lot. Go back into big box building down long beige entry and out the exact other side. Locate car by clicking key button. Lights flash. Get in. 5:30. Drive in hideous rush hour traffic back to Budget. Get lost because phone has no idea that Budget is not with the other companies in the terminal. Call office. Tell Anne how rude Mr. T was. She commiserates. 6:20. Have missed 6:30 flight. She rebooks me.
Arrive at Budget. Take shuttle to airport. Cristina calls. Tell her how rude Mr. T was. She commiserates. Get vegetable salad from take out place and a Lindor milk chocolate ball - the one in a red wrapper Reach gate. 7:05. Just in time to board plane departing at 7:30.
Plane delayed. Eat salad and chocolate.
7:25 Plane arrives. Board. 7:48 plane takes off. Eat apple. Read book on ipad (Fall of Giants by Ken Follett).
8:30 Arrive back in Seattle. Phone tells me where am parked. Go to 6th floor. Get in. Pay $28 to exit. Call Steven. Tell him how rude Mr. T was. He commiserates.
Drive to doggie daycare. They retrieve Nala. 9:20 She is giant fur ball. They have sprayed and fluffed her with a scent that is supposed to mask the odor of what happens when doggies roll around together for 12 hours. It isn't working.
9:30 home. Read text message from Sol - sorry you had to deal with Mr. T. Text back - no problem it's part of the job description.
Put away load of laundry. Give Nala some water. Eat handful of raspberries.
10:15 throw on running gear. Go downstairs to treadmill. Run while watching an episode of Game of Thrones. Volume on high to drown out treadmill noise. Daenerys Targaryen is struck by her abusive brother and knocked to the ground. She reaches over to a pillow whereupon lies a magnificent bejeweled barbarian styled necklace. Swings it back. Strikes him in the face. Cuts his cheek. Calmly furious, warns if he lays hands upon her again, she will have them (the hands) removed.
Channel Daenery to facilitate discarding of pent up Mr. T related aggression. Run until done. Call it a day.
Photo: Where I run when it is too dark outside.