Nala versus The Best Trained Dog in the World

The Today show has its annual best of the best contest.  The top three dogs are competing for the grand prize.  Doggie #1 pushes a mini shopping cart.  Doggie #2 gets a can of beer for his buddy.  And Doggie #3 - well, you just have to see what he can do.  Oh, and yes, he is a Brittany.  Just like Nala.

Now, everyone in America at least, is probably rushing around trying to figure out where they can get such a wonderful dog.   So pretty.  And silky.  And smart.  And obedient.

This is similar to what happens when people visit Seattle in the summer.  They realize it is the most beautiful place on earth.  Move here.  Then they experience October through April.  And want to move back to wherever they came from.

So, now that we've seen the perfect Brittany, let's see what a real one is like.  Enter Nala Rose Koehler age 5.  Nala for short.  AKA Nalzoid.  Zoid.  Kah.  And the Poopmeister.

Let's begin.

  • Very pretty and she knows it
  • Silky hair - feels like a kitten
  • Went to obedience school and was amazing for about a week - until the girls undid almost everything.
  • Tell her to sit, she lies all the way down
  • Her one claim to fame - if you tell her to stay, she won't move until you say it's okay.
  • Manic beyond belief
  • Hates being left alone anywhere
  • Anytime anyone comes into the room, she jumps up on them to say hi
  • Will eat just about anything that falls onto the floor
  • This includes bad things.
  • Like poo
  • She has never in 5 years ever been the dog of the month at Downtown Dog Lounge.  More than 60 opportunities and never once been chosen.
  • This is probably because she eats poo
  • To prevent this, at DDL she has to wear a muzzle.  Which to me brings to mind Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs.
  • DDL also makes her wear the brown tag of shame (affixed to her collar)
  • Cannot take her to Marymoor dog park because all she will do is chase down the nasty stuff
  • When running with me, she will cross directly in front to get at a squirrel or bird
  • Have gone through half a dozen types of harnesses so that she won't rub herself raw from pulling
  • Can never leave her alone with leash as will chew it in half
  • Pouts...for a nano second
  • Can't hold a grudge
  • Always wants to be wherever you are
  • Not allowed to get on furniture
  • Always gets up on couch under the window when left alone
  • Or on Alysha's bed
  • Drinks out of the toilet if you forget to close the lid
  • Scarfs her bowl of food in under 30 seconds.
  • To slow her down, spread food in trails around her mat
  • Is so fixated on squirrels that she will stop in the middle of peeing if she sees one
  • Forgets to do her business if she sees any type of movement - life a leaf blowing in the wind
  • Never sits or lies down if you're up and moving.
  • A constant shadow.
  • Smiles.
  • Always ready for action.
  • Has to be bribed with treats when walking/running.  If she sees another dog and doesn't go after them like Kujo she gets a treat.
  • She can't help it if a dog looks at her the wrong way - she will sacrifice the treat
  • Can't figure out how to play catch
  • Has favorite toys that she has kept in good condition for years.  Her favorite is the red squeaky snake.
  • She will squeak that snake until you can't take it any more.  You will go to take that snake away and end up having to chase her around the house
  • If you let her cuddle with you on the couch, she is in heaven.
  • Is good at playing hide and go seek
  • Cannot figure out why Alysha gets so excited when she does down dog
  • Extremely affectionate
  • Likes Ludwig Von Beethoven and Gospel music
  • Pretty bad swimmer.  Looks like she's trying to run on top of the water
  • Will fetch, maybe, if she's in the mood
  • If you don't set boundaries, she will smother you.
  • When the girls are home and she is allowed to sleep with them, she will get up right under their necks
  • Can catch bugs mid-air
  • Barks hysterically everytime she things she hears the doorbell
  • Rushes at anyone who enters the house
  • Throws self against inside window-wall at the office when people walk by
  • Throws herself especially hard against window at Ryan because she knows he is scared of dogs
  • Will take off full speed in a heart beat if she gets off the leash
  • Will always come back, but still scary
  • Jumps out at cars
  • Could care less about thunder, lightening or Fourth of July fireworks
  • Cowers if you barely begin to knit your eyebrows to give her a scolding
  • Closes the drawers with her nose if you leave them open
  • Is mean to the timid new dog that moved in next door.
  • Hates the terrier who lives on the other side
  • Loved the big German Shepherd who lived across the street but mysteriously passed away
  • Doesn't like the girls talking to her on the phone
  • Goes crazy whenever they are home

Yeah.  Nala is not the best trained dog in the world.  But we wouldn't trade her for anything.

Video link:

Photo:  Nala at the office