On Monday I called an attorney an A_S.

Now you may be thinking Karen Karen Karen.  But I didn't lose my temper.  I stated a fact.

One day when I came home from work many years ago, the nanny smiled and said - your daughters told me that yesterday you said the S word.  Cristina, Alysha and Noelle started giggling.  Raised their little eyebrows.  Waited for Marlenee Beenee (actual name Marlene) to scold me.  Or better yet - as she had done to Alysha - wash my mouth out with soap.

Now I had been a prolific cusser as a young adult, but had stopped cold turkey way before the kids were born.  I looked at Marlene, smiled and said to the girls - tell her what the S word was.  They hesitated, not wanting to get into trouble for saying it, realized they had permission and yelled in chorus: Stupid!  She said Stupid!!

I suppose the A_S word is not exactly a cuss word.  But it was mom's primary expletive.  And one that usually ended with the modifier - hole.

But let's start at the beginning.

I am in a case where the opposing counsel is a very well known criminal defense lawyer initials starting in J and ending in B.  Middle initial H.  Here are some of the things JHB has written to me over the past six months.  Typos and all.

• Karen.  Some whack job is sending out emails in your name.
• ...who was Karen's writing instructor James Joyce.
• ...just struck by Karen"s late night STRANGE email
• ...when you asked if T had "cosmetic surgery" I was going to object but thought you might be looking for a referral.
• Do you have a mirror.
• But I look so much younger than you!!!
• I will take the high road on your sophomoric comments
• I can always take advice even if condescending
• [comparing me to Margaret Thatcher]  ...the fact she died friendless and they took her portrait off the wall at Oxford, at her University (I went there) is also something you can relate to, sad.
• Face book is for insecure, narcissistic fools.  I don't need to attract attention, I just do.
• You may think this all good fun but twice now you have invoked my age.  That will be part of the Bar complaint :) maybe you should think before you write!!!
• You  must be living a very sad life needing virtual friends.  I just hope and pray you are better prepared for the next deposition, your last performance was embarrassing.
• Stop trying to be funny, you are not just TRY and be professional
• Get some help
• I am drafting complaint against you and your firm....
• Don't you get it I am done with you.  Please leave me alone.
• I assume by your snarky remark we will have to do this without cooperation and we will.
• I said as a "courtesy" not surprised that word escapes you.
• get a life, a real one not a virtual one, you know real, not pretend.  try to earn your reputation not create one "velvet clamor" and all, it is quite sad.

And so, in honor of mom, and because it was the appropriate response to JHB's last insulting email written three weeks after her death while I was (and am) still grieving, I wrote:

John - you are an ass.

Postscript.  

A week after writing the post, JHB read the blog and sent this email:

So honored you included my (sic) in your Blog, so sad you need to promote yourself.  The press big time local really wanted to know if you had trademarked your self appointed moniker!!!  I gave them the full sad story about you creating your life rather than just living it.  They will do a story, expect a call.  Reminder you started this.  Velvet "Clamor" was not a typo.  Best John. 

I responded:

That blog entry was written because I decline to bear your continued threats and insults in silence.